Pain of a Masked Angel
by ireneotaku
Summary: When Anzu is left by all of who she was friends with who is she left with. An angel in darkness and darknes in an angel. T for violence and mild language. More hurt close to no comfort, and will be sad not a happy fic at all. character death.
1. The Beginning

Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh.

A/N: Based of feelings in my life at one time or another. Japanese names.

Italicized thoughts of the inside of Anzu if you won't a better explanation just message me and ask.

* * *

I woke up my clock saying it was six in the morning I had to get ready for school. School was a lukewarm kind of thing. It was horrible most of the time but there were parts of it you couldn't help but want. I got up, and ate some food grabbed my school bag and went to Domino City High.

"Hey Anzu did you sleep well?"

It was my little friend Yugi. I never slept well anymore well not since _that _happened, but I wasn't gonna worry Yugi about nothing.

"Yeah, I'm slept really well last night."

_/Do you ever tell them the damn truth? /_

{What I tell them when I have the body is my own choice now leave me alone.}

/_That's so mean I love you so much I can't bear to leave you alone. /_

She receded back into the recesses of my mind. She would be back later, and of course she always had to add a hint of sarcasm whenever she expressed concern for me. I didn't want to dwell on these thoughts for too long I would dwell them at night. I was more like plagued at night was the correct choice of words, but this isn't the most important thing to worry about at the moment.

Yugi was staring into space also. I had almost no doubt that he was talking to his beloved Yami. Yes Yugi was lucky even if he did have another voice in his head he had one that genuinely cared for him. Mine only tried to hurt me or reminded me how much I hated living in this cold pathetic world. I wasn't gonna bother telling the young aspiring duelist to go to class so I blew right past him into the school.

Classes for the day were almost over it was lunch the end of the day was the saddest part of the day. Night was one time I hated the most for so many reasons one reason was that leaving school was like dying and every time I went home another part of me died I was slowly becoming numb on the inside. Another reason was that I was alone I didn't fear loneliness itself, but the thought of knowing that no one was there even if I wanted someone to be. The last reason was because of _her_ or rather the real me depending on your point of view.

"Anzu I have something we have to tell you."

It was all my friends Yugi, Jou, Ryuji, and Honda was around. They all were looking away from me, and I didn't get the happiest vibe from them.

"Yeah, Yugi what is it you want?"

I looked at him I just had to be _her _for a few minutes then I could stop acting nice. I smiled innocently with a look of confusion or maybe curiosity on my face.

"Anzu we would all like it if you didn't hang out with us for two weeks. We need time to ourselves will you please stop hanging around us."

I was going to protest but there really wasn't any point to arguing right now. I figered I would just come back in two weeks, but somehow in the back of my head I knew that they wouldn't let me come back. I just ignored them and went home by day of happiness turned into the first day of pure hell.

/_I told you that no one cared for you but me. Please don't worry about those asses we can talk about it when we get back home later tonight. /_

{Thank you I fell horrible but please don't leave me alone…. I can't fell that feeling once again so please don't go.}

These new streams of thoughts didn't recede to the back of my mind but stayed with me like I was talking to someone else or at least someone else was there with me…for once. I reached my home I went and grabbed something out of my houses cabinet my parents weren't home. I then went to my room, and started on my homework for the day.

Night fell and the day became a blur in a mind a memory I wanted it to be a dream, but I knew it never would. Numbed on the inside and the outside I took a warm bath thinking and feeling nothing all the while. I went to my bed the only place someone would comfort me in my thoughts.

/_How sad how fragile people are, but what I find interesting is that when they make masks to cover up these facts it makes them even weaker. It's a shame people are so cruel if they weren't you would be so much brighter you would be the like angel you're meant to be. Until then rest, and continue to shine inside of me, and guide me with your light./_

I grew tired and my eyes closed I felt like a completely different person took over my mind, and this time I let them I had no desire to do anything even to _"live"_ at this point. I would come back another day perhaps.

* * *

Authors note in the next chapter I will be explaining how Anzu's mind is working so it's less confusing.


	2. The Day

Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh.

A/N: Based of feelings in my life at one time or another. Japanese names. Language.

Italicized thoughts of the inside of Anzu if you want a better explanation just message me and ask.

* * *

I got up ever so slowly; it was around six in the morning I had school to get ready for. I didn't have much time to get ready for school so I got dressed ate some breakfast before grabbing my school bag, and going out of the house. It was around late fall now the leaves were falling off the trees very slowly, but they were. It was also very chilly in little Domino City so I had a jacket, but alas I never wore pants always a skirt year round though it did get slightly longer.

After a few minutes of walking down the quiet Domino streets I reached my high school. At the gates I saw the silhouette of my short friends Yugi. I was going to go up to him with a big smile, and say good morning but there were to things stopping me from doing that. The first was that I well rather she was asked to give them space for two weeks. The second was the she was a happy person, but I the real Anzu Mazaki wasn't. I walked through the gates of the school passing by the short young boy a tinge of pain in my heart as I did, and went to my first class of the day.

When I had gotten settled in my desk as I waited for class to start two girls walked up to me, and started chatting rather pointlessly in front of me. I looked up to see my other friends Miho, and Vivian talking in front of me. _She_ would interact with them on a periodical basis, and _she_ would even engage in one of their meaningless conversations. I wasn't _her_ though, and I refused to talk to idiots about things I didn't care about unless I was talked to first. They turned to me for a moment before the teacher walked in to start the lesson.

"Looks like you should back to your desk before teacher yells at you."

I gave a large fake smile before they could protest. They of course wouldn't know that it was a fake smile since I never gave them a real smile anyway. The teacher started giving a lesson, and I really did and didn't pay attention at the same time. When she gave the lecture I would listen attentively, but when she had us do independent work I would drift off into my own thoughts.

The next of my classes went this way until we had what we called break. It was fifteen minutes of anything really on school campus without classes. Usually I would talk, and hang out with Yugi and the gang but I couldn't do that anymore. My choices at the moment were being ignored by Miho and Vivian or doing something by myself. Deciding I'd rather be by myself I went to the track and field my school had.

I simply started walking by myself thinking about nothing. I had a feeling of pain, sadness, lose I don't know how to describe it but it's the worst thing I have ever felt in my life. Only it was ten times worse than anything I ever had in my life. I was walking past one of the soccer goals on the field that the track went around when I heard something that made her heart snap even more.

"Hey, Anzu couldn't stay away from us right."

It was Ryuji who said that to me I looked up to see them all laughing at me. Those fucking son of a bitches my life was already hard enough without them making it worse. We all know that I walk the track to get attention from stuck up assholes. Taking a deep breath before speaking.

"I was simply walking I didn't know that was a crime no one wants to see you anyway."

I held my head high, and kept walking when I got to the entrance of the track I walked off, and headed to the bathroom. Quickly I looked in the mirror to see tears starting to roll down my face. It wasn't me who was crying I honestly thought those sons of bitches should go die, but it was_ her_ who was crying. For me _she_ was like an angel and a devil to me. Usually I loathed her she lived a life I just came out once in awhile. _She _was made because of my faults, and _she_ was everything I couldn't be. _She_ was my angel, and at times like this I would come out and live for her while she got back on her feet. I did all this because she is and will always be the light in dark for me, and no one else can be or do that.

/_Don't cry everything will be fine just rest right now._/

I felt something inside me agreeing before going back into what must have been slumber inside of my mind. Break ended a minute afterwards, and I proceeded with the remainder of my classes for the day. After my last class I grabbed all my things before swiftly going back to my house. I again though faster this time made my way back to my small home. Doing the same thing as everyday in the quiet house I grabbed something to eat. After that I did my homework before proceeding to take a warm bath.

When I got into the bathtub full of warm almost hot water I relaxed slightly for a moment simply enjoying the affect on my muscles. After that blissful moment my thoughts started to linger still about nothing in particular. There was an enormous amount of pain in my chest, and I had no doubt that those were the feelings that she had for _them. _Sometimes just thinking about them made me angry they put her, _my _angel through so much trouble. When they asked her to leave which crushed her already broken heart she left, and she did this so _they_ could be happy. Not a selfish thought she left the people who were the only people making her life worth living because she knew that it would be better for_ them._ I stopped thinking about this though it wasn't good for her well being.

Slowly I let the water drain before getting dressed, and going to my room to go to bed. As I went to my room I heard some arguing I figured that my parents were home so I yelled goodnight before going to my room. I threw my clothes into my closet before turning off my lights, and climbing into bed.

/_Are you feeling any better? _/

My tone was gentle, and full of concern. She then replied.

"I suppose so, but I think its best that I stay inside the body if you don't mind. I don't feel that well yet."

/_Of course whatever you want, but we need to rest now so goodnight._ /

We both agreed, and went to sleep. I woke up a few minutes later.

/_My angel may you feel better soon. _/

* * *

A/N Sorry school final, etc, etc. So Anzu's mind is like this. She/her is referring to the part of Anzu she made to live for her. I/me is the real Anzu that usually sleeps inside of the body even though it is really hers. I/me only comes out when she is in trouble, angry, or really really sad. Why is she like this you will find out in the next chapters.


	3. The Past

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh.

A/N I know a long time and no update I get really busy. If you haven't read paradichlorobenzene then the flashback won't make some sense. In short it is after Yugi's mother's funeral this takes place.

FLASHBACK

A young boy stood there in black funeral clothes crying over the grave of his mother. This boy was special he was my love, and that was my future mother in law. She died though in a horrible incident it was the anniversary of the wonderful woman's death. I stood there in a black suit jacket, a white blouse under it, a black pencil skirt, black heels, and a black parasol. I placed it over the head of my love in this world Yugi Muto. We were both twelve at the time, though I looked older than that while he looked much younger. I walked to the grave slowly, and put the parasol on the grave closed. On the parasol it had flowers on it in black lace a gift for my dear late mother in law. She always had a fixation with flowers, Yugi being her most loved as well as mine.

He turned to me not saying anything all there were tears in his eyes pleading to be held one more time. He always got more emotional around the grave with good reason he witnessed the murder of his own mother by his father. Even in court as a child he testified against his father because it brought the man to justice over the death of his mother. After that he moved away for awhile before moving back to near my family like when we were kids. Both Yugi and I needed the support of each other so he moved back after much pleading to his grandfather.

I walked to him slowly before wrapping him in a hug his head on my chest staying there sobs on my chest I could feel from him crying on my blouse. He dug his head into my chest while I stood there patting his head reassuring everything would be fine. Stroking the tri-colored hair lovingly, and patting his back gently and soothing. What seemed to pass like days finally ended when he moved away from me before reaching towards my head on his tiptoe's to gently touch the red ribbon that was keeping my hair in a ponytail.

"Anzu every year you come dressed in the same way as when my mother died all those years ago as a child. Why do you do that love?"

After a minute of looking at the almost broken amethyst eyes I began to speak.

"It's because Hana doesn't get to watch us grow, you know because she's watching over her flowers on Earth. So I think it would be unfair if I looked different then when she knew me. She deserves to be able to see us in the same way she did all those years ago when she was in full bloom."

The mention of his mother brought him to tears again; I grabbed him by the arm, and pulled him back to my chest to cry again. I think we spent the whole that way crying holding each other, talking about the past. The days then were so simple, and pleasant.

* * *

After visiting the grave of the closet thing I myself had to a mother I went back home to the house I lived. The home that was bead for my health, the house that held no love in it at all. Sure the place had everything I could want physically but on the inside I was emotionally empty. I walked into to yelling which quieted some when I came in that meant it was no doubt about me. I went to my room, and changed into some shorts to my knees, ankle boots, a burgundy halter top, and a black trench coat. After that I went to the base of the stairs to say I was going to visit Grandpa. I went out of the house using the back door before heading over to my friend Ryuji's mansion.

"Ryuji open the door and let me in or I will pick the lock again with a sledgehammer."

After hearing the movements of various chains and locks moving the door swings open to let me in. Ryuji is standing there before moving back to the bed in the room. He sits on the edge feet on the floor legs apart and his arms leaning on the legs making his back hunched. He looks up at me after I close the door before I walk close to him just out of his arms length.

"Love talk about whatever you want I'll be here for you even if it's Yugi in your heart."

We both nod showing we both understand. Dice as I like to call him will give you just about anything you ask him. The catch is what might happen with what he gives you will either end up great or make things worse for you. I look at the ground, and take a deep breath before mustering all the courage I can to speak to him, to roll the dice with him as the dealer of my fate.

"I need to be stronger and someone that doesn't have the past and problems of Anzu Mazaki. I need someone who can do anything and lead a bright life for the ones that mean the most to me, and to make myself better how do I do that?"

He looks down at the ground then looks at me solemn for a moment looking his eyes pleading not to make him roll the dice of my fate. My eyes showed a determination for this greater than you would ever see in them again. After a sigh he speaks.

"The price for the great thing you seek is grave, but your eyes tell me you won't go back on this decision. The answer is to make a mask to cover the pain you feel. Hide the pain inside of an angel, and make a mask from the pain of twisted feelings. Be warned once you make the mask it will never go away it will be like another person inside of you, and can't be destroyed if you continue."

I nod thank you for the advice that he knows as well as I that I will take for my future for Yugi Muto's future. He puts his head down his chest trembling from the thing that he had to tell me since he dealt me my fate. As I walk out I hear his last warning.

"The price for this is losing everything at one point close to you."

I leave closing the door of my life, and fate.

The new school year starts Yugi smiles; all is well since I saw Ryuji.

"Anzu you seem happier nowadays, I'm glad you have something joyful in your life now."

I simply smile while we talk idly about things in my and his life. I see the new transfer student, and become shocked by who it is. I see Ryuji smiling and laughing a smile as fake as mine. He looks so changed no one but me can tell who he is, but I will always be able to tell the dealer of my fate. He walks up, and passes me before whispering to my ear.

"It's time to pay the price from that bargain all those years ago. I hope you enjoyed it."

A gaze absent of all the once warm feelings between us he leaves taking all from me and in that swift moment all was turned in my life.

I woke up from a bad dream the alarm blaring another day of school. Hopefully and probably my last day.

A/N I don't know if that made sense but I want to finish this story so I can finish my other ones. So I want to finish it soon. If it didn't make sense I will explain it next chapter.


	4. The End

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh.

A/N I've been feeling pretty down lately. No sleep I feel depressed got let of school during first period so I didn't get to see my friends. Some of them I feel are ignoring me, so life just sucks in general. What a great reason to end this fic right. I originally planned for angel to be a one-shot but found that the story needed expanded so here is the beginning of the end.

The regular monotonous routine for my morning starts. I wake up get ready for school leave for school go to school. The bargain I made with Ryuji really is bringing what it said. What I once held dear to me is fading away from me, and I can't do anything to get it back. My talent, my love and friendship for Yugi, my life. I'm losing them all there isn't anything I want but these and since I can't get them I don't want anything at all.

Lunch at school at the lunch tables watching others eat food isn't important to me the black haze around my soul needs no food to nourish itself. It hurts so much to do anything I can tell _she_ is so tired even though _she's _been resting for so long she just wants to rest all the time. I want to succumb to her wishes, and just rest with her in peace for all eternity.

Slow blurred time passes school ends for the last time.

School has only been getting worse for me. I have to keep distance still unlike what they said of one day letting me back. I knew that I wouldn't the whole time, but that sliver of hope was something that kept _her_ happy so I held on to it, but not I know for sure it's gone we both know. Sometimes Yugi breaks away or gets kicked out so he goes with me not able to overcome his loneliness. It makes me angry like he's teasing me with something I can't have. Giving me something so nice that I won't be content with anything else.

At home I drop my schoolbag near the desk in my room before going to the kitchen. Inside the kitchen I grab one of the switch blades we keep in there. I make sure that it's properly sharpened before I use it. I go back up the stairs, and change into a bathing suit my favorite. It's scarlet like a red lotus blossom or a scarlet flower. I grab a towel and head into the bathroom.

I run pleasant warm bath of nice water before relaxing my muscles in the tub.

"Are you sure you want this there's no turning back if we start?"

My angel ponders a moment, and then another thinking this through before she makes her final decision.

_/ I don't want to do this, but it hurts so much I just want to sleep now. All I want is to be able to rest peacefully. Please do what you have to, and I we'll always be together remember for eternity. /_

She sighs internally before going back to a tired rest, but not quite slumber. Forever yes I believe because no matter how much we separate ourselves we are one in the same made from the same once whole person.

Silence

Utter silence

Utter mind breaking silence

The uneasy kind that makes you uneasy

For the last time I will hear it ringing in my ears

I grab the switch blade from the edge of the tub before I place my other arm over the water. With my right arm I cut my left wrist swiftly so it hurts less. I then place the switchblade in my left hand sore from the cut and cut my other wrist. After that I place the blade back on the edge of the tub.

I look at my arms not sure if I made the cuts deep enough, but not worrying too much I bleed out soon from these cuts soon enough. I feel myself growing weaker closing my eyes and waiting for it all to end. Slowly quietly my eyes close for the last time, and I drift into sleep that I was looking for.

* * *

A quite burial I look at the corpse of my love Anzu. I move my blond bangs out of my face letting the tears for her almost fall onto the casket. It's a small quite burial, Anzu's parents did all they could to hush the incident. They were to prideful to admit it but they knew what happened and why it did. We all had an idea of what she was going through some of us even predicated her committing suicide. Most of our classmates came they were shocked. The media is still in frenzy, but are being mildly quieted by Kaiba. The news ate up the news "Aspiring and talented dancers Anzu Mazaki kills herself."

Some of the people close to her came Ryuji, Jou, Seto, Serenity, Mai, Mokuba, and I. Rebecca even flies out from America to see her off. She is being buried most of the people are crying to others I can't bear to see another funeral. All the women I ever love die right before me I wish someone would come, and stay with me.

I see Ryo in a black fitted suit standing in front of the casket. He has white flowers which he lays in front of the grave mutters to the stone before turning, and walking to me as I approach the grave.

"Why did you leave her flowers?"

I ask curious I didn't think he was close to the girl.

"She was innocent until her death I wanted people to remember her in her whole not just her death."

"What did you say to her?"

Very serious he looks into my eyes before continuing.

"See you soon."

He walks away and leaves making me ponder. I walk to the grave and stand there tears silently rolling for my lost love.

I fall onto the hard cold ground crying over her. Yami watching over me. My tears coming violently I lost another love, and I won't get her back either.

"Should I be happy we were or friends? Or cry because we were nothing more?"

* * *

A/N Finished if you want a sequel to me and I will think of one. Ryo's line was foreshadowing something for a different fic with him. If you read my fics they all have references, and foreshadowing. I think when I first thought of this I was going to call it death skies did I do well on changing the name? I finally finished this, and most of this "fiction" is based off my own feelings. Life sucks now so I thought I would finish this for you guys.


End file.
